New Year’s Eve Isn’t Your Holiday, Amateurs

By ANDREW FLYNN, Managing Editor

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Welcome to The Daily Damn’s second year of publishing! Remember that all posts are for 18+ and reader discretion is advised. It’s going to get loud.

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Depending on the company that you keep and the experiences you’ve had up until now, this could very well be the last year on this planet. Or yours, anyways.

New Year’s Eve is a celebratory time of year where you can do pretty much anything you want with the last 365 calendar days. Hate it, love it, or booze it all away into a 12-hour blackout for anyone really cares, it’s up to you. That is, of course, unless you’re in prison, and then you have to resort to getting plastered off of ketchup-based toilet wine.

Yeah, I just threw up in my mouth a little too. Much like those that don’t know how to behave when consuming larger amounts of alcohol. This isn’t your holiday, amateurs.

Not only is it a chore to be around those who can’t contain their liquor intake on holidays that are designed to be nothing but jovial and free-spirited, it’s a detriment. Most of us work hard enough throughout the year that the times that we get to celebrate with our nearest and dearest are few and far between, so when it’s time, it’s fucking time to just be with those and enjoy the hell out of the hours you have with your people.

The great majority of us all are totally done with the high holidays of Christmas, Chanukah, and Etcetera at the end of the year. We look for the moments of pure elation on New Year’s Even, and that one special moment when the clock strikes midnight in our particular time zone, and damn it all to the center of the existence if you’ve got to babysit anyone that just fucked up your potential glee.

As a youth of an indeterminate age so as to prevent self-incrimination in all respects, I’m guilty of this too, so the author doesn’t get off scott-free here. I’ve been the problem on more than a few occasions, and yes, this is a right of passage for most of us, to be that problem pain-in-the-ass drunken asshole who exhibits no bodily control whatsoever, but the time has passed and I’m not in my teenage years anymore.

And if you heed none of this request, I really hope you’re out on the street tonight, with the idiots who feel they have to celebrate by trying to find that last booth that hasn’t sold out of the nine-dollar cup of Bud Light Piss. It’s a huge pain, doing New Year’s like this. You bring ten people, they all want to go in different directions, you smoke too much, don’t drink enough, and those that do drink enough become the liabilities, and you end up tired as shit after having walked around for five miles. And then it’s 3AM and you’re still on the street because you didn’t have a plan.

I don’t have all the answers, just the experiences that have made me who I am today. The things I do know are few, but one of them is to have a plan on New Year’s Eve. Whatever you end up doing, be safe. Safety, while not so much at the forefront of the minds of youth, is crucially important to actually have the best time possible. It’s a wise move  to surround yourself with friends and family (although co-mingle the two sparsely if you can) who are more experienced with the joys and various idiosyncracies of enjoying alcohol.

On the morning after, you’ll be able to say you had a great time. Which is the entire point of the holidays.

And that’s my giving a damn.

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The Friends You Help That Won’t Help Themselves

30 years on this planet has revealed to me a whole smattering of truths about people and what to expect from them.

Because I think it’s in all of our best interests to expect at least a certain amount of effort from each and every person. Effort is what leads to things getting done, be it something accomplished out of love, passion, inner desire, or otherwise. We’re humans, and if we can’t end up doing things, what the hell is even the point of differentiating ourselves from shitless layabout animals? We’ve all known a few of this type.

Of course it’ll end up oversimplified, but some people you can try your absolute damnedest to be their friends, be their compatriots, their mentors, their non-blood siblings even, yet they will never end up reciprocating even a fraction of the effort that you put forth in the relationship. Hate to say it, I’ve known a few.

Mental disorders affect more than 22% of Americans. Pretty shocking number, right? It’s really not. Considering how busy and multi-faceted all of us assholes really are, the number could easily be higher. Mental disorders usually are the cause of people not taking care of themselves: mentally, physically, or a combination of the two. Cheesy as it all is, a person has to really love themselves in order to be able to love anyone else. All of us two-eyed, two-legged, erect-walking beings know at least one person who doesn’t. And that’s frustrating to no end.

At times, you feel like you’re actually making a dent in someone else’s self-doubt and lack of self-worth. The befriending was a success, and you’ve had some good times together. Memories made, stories created for later reminiscing. Other times, the rate at which that person drives themselves dangerously close to the Zone of Zero (patent pending) is just so much quicker than anything that you’re doing and having an effect on them for.

And then there are the rare times where enough is enough, and you just have to cut your losses even if you really don’t want to, because you still hold out hope, but the hopelessness that exists in the relationship far outweighs anything else. This is such an dark, unfortunate decision to have to make. I’ve made it a few times, and it’s sucked every single one of them.

Luckily, the coin is two-sided. The elation of having a positive effect in helping a person turn their lives around and against all of odds is one of the greatest joys that can be felt. Success between people knows no pinnacle, especially when they’ve come from deep, harrowing depths.

Ultimately, we grow up and we grow apart. Every single one of us will do at the end of the day what gets us to our bedroom so that a good night of sleep can be had. Then again, there are those of us that don’t sleep much, if at all during some nights. Insomnia is merely a byproduct of our inner drive, in the vein that the effort not stop in order to be there for those that can’t and won’t do enough for themselves.

And that’s my giving a damn.

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