Quick Bites: Somewhat Before Valentine’s Day

By ANDREW FLYNN, Managing Editor

I’m happy to bring you a new feature here at The Daily Damn. Quick Bites is about five pressing matters that take a pulse of America on the day that it posts!

List five different things of about 100+ words that matter.

1. I sure wish idiot parental lobbying groups like the Parent’s Television Council would really just shut their mouths about everything they have to say about anything regarding what they feel represents obscenity and child endangerment on the boob tube. Hardly the millionth person to despise them, they don’t serve a purpose besides to be an annoying, and pretty small, mind you, group that wishes The Waltons and Lassie were still on the idiot box. M.I.A. flipped off America, great. Make a stink about it, why don’t you? Nuts to your entire shitty organization.

2. Tuesday night brought news of a possible 24-hour newschannel from the perspective of Hispanics and brought to you by the ABC News and Univision networks. Hey, it might work. Goodness knows that there tons of underrepresented minorities on television…why not allow them to have a bully pulpit as big as Fox News and CNN so that they can produce hours and hours of stupid bullshit partisan shows too?

3. Rick Santorum isn’t dead yet. At the time I scheduled this (around 8pm MST) on WordPress, he was leading all three of the states that held primaries. This means that he may have even swept Tuesday’s night’s primaries. WHAT?!

4. My fucking upstairs neighbors here at Deer Valley Village moved in about two months ago. Before, it was quiet bliss at night. Any night. Every night. Terrific for being able to get words on the blank page. After, not so much. Both Rakeesh and Magdala are fine people, do not get me wrong. But their shit-machine of a two-year-old jumps up and down on their damn family room floor more than Richard Simmons after a four-pack of Red Bull. And this goes on for hours. And I can’t do shit. The front office won’t ever get off their asses or pick up a phone. Mom and dad up there just love their child expressing himself like he’s fucking Tom Hanks on the giant cocksucking piano in Big. I just want to sleep a good night at home for once. It’s not too much to ask. I’m the asshole though. It’s all my fault, you realize.

5. This back-and-forth fervor on whether Clint Eastwood’s Chrysler TV commercial was political or not is purely nonsense. Did any of the 900-trillion mouthbreathers watching the Superbowl take a minute to actually listen to the content of the commercial? Eastwood’s an American guy, and wants to see America do well. It doesn’t matter for shit who is in the White House. The fact that he’s a known Republican in mainly otherwise Democrat Hollywood blah blah horseshit is totally irrelevant. Please.

And that’s my giving a damn.

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Part 6 of Afterwards drops in four days…take cover: »1   »2   »3   »4   »5

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