Election 2012: Ride This Elevator

Newt’s Devilish Core, Mitt’s Definitely Not Poor, Barack’s Still on the Top Floor

By ANDREW FLYNN, Managing Editor

Three important figures exist at the forefront of American politics right now among the other small, ancillary characters. They are Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, and Barack Obama. Simply enough, these are the only three people in this country that are likely to become or remain President of the United States. And that’s it.

I hate politics in this country. I hate the divisions that are created and underlined sixty times over. I hate the disgusting amount of money that is used, both public and private, in order for a candidate to get elected. I’m just fed up with the misrepresentation that occurs, and am cynical to the fact that reform should have occurred such a long time ago. The truth of it is, any of these three men will just be more of the same.

Mitt Romney is a very successful man in America, and none of his success should be a detriment to anything that he wants to do. That being said, he’s got a lousy personality and has a defaulted negative stigma to his persona. Most people like Mitt just fine, but they don’t like him enough to want to see him represent them as their President.

Newt Gingrich is an abrasive and commanding personality. He’s also smarter than 95% of us the academic sense. With that being said, he’s one of the biggest pricks in the history of modern American politics. He knows what he wants and he knows how to get it. The only thing that prevents him from getting what he wants are those who get in his path, of which collateral damage has a metaphysical certitude of happening. If he were one of Alan Moore’s comic creations, he’d be a more out-of-shape and much less humane version of Dr. Manhattan. Notice how the number of backers in higher places tend to be going for anyone who isn’t Gingrich. Even Santorum has more cheerleaders in this regard.

Barack Obama holds residence currently at 1600 West Pennsylvania Avenue. Divisions be damned, his record must be considered at face value. He’s involved a negative number of troops in foreign conflicts, meaning he’s closed out wars instead of beginning them. He’s also taken out a few very dickish jerks that had been a present thorn in our backside up until his Administration came along. Yeah, this could all have been timing. But the timing happened by the watch that ticks while he holds his current residence. Domestically, he’s been more of a mess than keeping the table nicely set. If the unemployment numbers continue to eke their way downward, the economy’s ever-slowly improvement will only aide the man.

Thursday night, Romney looked like a statesman for the first time. He acted like a candidate who actually gave two shits about getting to celebratory afterparty. Obama’s already hosted one of those afterparties. Experience yields return trips to such events too.

At this point, we’re going to see Romney win Florida, and then a majority of the remaining states that have primaries to be held. After this, it’s going to be a few months of building his war-chest for the inevitable billion-dollar brawl to end all political brawls. There were a few pit stops along the way, but the Romney that entered January surely isn’t the Romney who is renewed of vigor and bite that is exiting January.

And that’s my giving a damn.

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