The Friends You Help That Won’t Help Themselves

30 years on this planet has revealed to me a whole smattering of truths about people and what to expect from them.

Because I think it’s in all of our best interests to expect at least a certain amount of effort from each and every person. Effort is what leads to things getting done, be it something accomplished out of love, passion, inner desire, or otherwise. We’re humans, and if we can’t end up doing things, what the hell is even the point of differentiating ourselves from shitless layabout animals? We’ve all known a few of this type.

Of course it’ll end up oversimplified, but some people you can try your absolute damnedest to be their friends, be their compatriots, their mentors, their non-blood siblings even, yet they will never end up reciprocating even a fraction of the effort that you put forth in the relationship. Hate to say it, I’ve known a few.

Mental disorders affect more than 22% of Americans. Pretty shocking number, right? It’s really not. Considering how busy and multi-faceted all of us assholes really are, the number could easily be higher. Mental disorders usually are the cause of people not taking care of themselves: mentally, physically, or a combination of the two. Cheesy as it all is, a person has to really love themselves in order to be able to love anyone else. All of us two-eyed, two-legged, erect-walking beings know at least one person who doesn’t. And that’s frustrating to no end.

At times, you feel like you’re actually making a dent in someone else’s self-doubt and lack of self-worth. The befriending was a success, and you’ve had some good times together. Memories made, stories created for later reminiscing. Other times, the rate at which that person drives themselves dangerously close to the Zone of Zero (patent pending) is just so much quicker than anything that you’re doing and having an effect on them for.

And then there are the rare times where enough is enough, and you just have to cut your losses even if you really don’t want to, because you still hold out hope, but the hopelessness that exists in the relationship far outweighs anything else. This is such an dark, unfortunate decision to have to make. I’ve made it a few times, and it’s sucked every single one of them.

Luckily, the coin is two-sided. The elation of having a positive effect in helping a person turn their lives around and against all of odds is one of the greatest joys that can be felt. Success between people knows no pinnacle, especially when they’ve come from deep, harrowing depths.

Ultimately, we grow up and we grow apart. Every single one of us will do at the end of the day what gets us to our bedroom so that a good night of sleep can be had. Then again, there are those of us that don’t sleep much, if at all during some nights. Insomnia is merely a byproduct of our inner drive, in the vein that the effort not stop in order to be there for those that can’t and won’t do enough for themselves.

And that’s my giving a damn.


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