Nobody ever wants to see a loved one get lost in their old age.
I don’t have a lot of experience with death. I’ve known four people in my life that have died unexpectedly, and that’s gotta be well below the average…so this comes off as petty bitching, I realize.
My gramma is nearly 85 years old. And yes I’ll call her my gramma, because that’s who she is to my family and I. For years and years, she was the woman in the kitchen always whipping up something delicious for us kids. Her and my grampa had this wonderful corner house that they raised their four kids in, and always had my sister and I, and our cousins too, over to stay for night and weekends whenever our respective parents were out of town. They were the de facto babysitters, and it was the best time of any of our lives. But now my gramma is getting to the point where none of know how much time she has left. And that’s just really shitty.
Totally realizing that as a man of 30 years old, I really should just shut my fucking mouth about the matter. This past Saturday night was a painful one, and at the same time, it was really wonderful. After work, I went over to my parents’ house in the East Valley where the majority of my immediate and extended family live. My parents are the ones who have the means to look after and support my gramma while she’s in the degenerating years of her life, so she’s living with them now after a series of hospital stays this past summer. We ate, we joked around, we caught up, blasted jazz music from the stereo, and we played cards for hours.
It was magical in a sense. Because you look for that kind of energy that in your daily life. In the people that you meet, the relationships you grow, and in the very lives of who you deal with. But there just isn’t that same kind of energy that you have when you’re with your family. Your blood. With those that brought you up and know more about you than any other person in this life. It just means so much more than any other thing in this whole damn life.
And while we all hate seeing my gramma’s body and mind give way to the realities of age, one thing is crystalized: we should be thankful that we still have her around. And there’s no regret in spending valuable time with those that we love.
Especially those that we won’t have around for much longer.
And that’s my giving a damn.